The lead-up to Christmas can be an extremely stressful time for a lot of us. To lighten the mood a little we have a silly read for this week.
The Ultimate Guide to Undoing Your Healthy Lifestyle, Gaining Excess Body Fat and Ruining Your Mood:
Congratulations on deciding to embark on a journey toward the ultimate transformation—transforming your vibrant, energetic self into a lethargic, moody version with a side of excess body fat. It’s time to bid farewell to well-being and embrace a lifestyle that defies logic. In this sarcastic guide, we’ll explore the 11 best habits guaranteed to make you gain excess body fat and ruin your mood and energy levels. Because who needs vitality and happiness anyway?
1. Embrace the Sedentary Lifestyle
First and foremost, the cornerstone of your transformation: adopt a sedentary lifestyle. Say goodbye to those pesky endorphins and the inconvenience of moving your body. Find the comfiest spot on your couch and settle in for a lifetime of inactivity.
2. Make Friends with the Drive-Through
Ditch that homemade healthy salad nonsense and make a beeline for the drive-through. Fast food is your new best friend. Who needs nutrients when you can have a deep-fried, sugar-laden feast delivered straight to your car window? Bonus points if you order the largest size available.
3. Say Yes to Liquid Calories
H2O is overrated. Opt for alcohol, energy drinks, and lattes loaded with whipped cream and syrup. Stay hydrated with beverages that will not only give you a sugar rush but also guarantee a mid-afternoon energy crash.
4. Master the Art of Late-Night Snacking
Who says eating should only happen during designated meal times? Raid the fridge at midnight and feast on whatever’s available. Bonus points if you polish off a pint of ice cream or a bag of potato chips while binge-watching your favorite shows.
5. Prioritise Stress Over Relaxation
Say farewell to peace and tranquility. Stress is your new best friend. Worry about everything, from your job to the color of your socks. Make sure to never take a moment for yourself and let stress be your constant companion.
6. Sleep is for the Weak
Why waste precious hours sleeping when you could be scrolling through social media or binge-watching TV shows? Aim for a solid four hours of sleep a night, max. A groggy, irritable you is the goal.
7. Master the Art of Excuse-Making
Commit to your unhealthy habits by becoming a master excuse-maker. “I don’t have time to exercise,” or “I’ll start eating better tomorrow” are your go-to phrases. The more creative, the better.
8. Surround Yourself with Negative Vibes
Positivity is so passé. Surround yourself with negative people and feed off their energy. Complain about everything and everyone, and watch how quickly your mood plummets.
9. Live for Instant Gratification
Who cares about long-term health when there are instant pleasures to indulge in? Prioritise immediate gratification over delayed rewards. Because why wait for success when you can have that second slice of cake now?
10. Dodge Healthy Fruits and Vegetables Like the Plague
Fruits and vegetables are full of healthy vitamins and minerals—gross! Stick to processed foods, and if you can’t pronounce the ingredients, that’s a bonus. Tim Tams and soda are basically a food group, right?
11. Reject All Forms of Self-Care
Congratulations, intrepid reader! By embracing these 11 ludicrously unhealthy lifestyle habits, you’re well on your way to gaining excess body fat and achieving peak levels of moodiness and fatigue. Self-care is for those who actually care about themselves. Reject any form of self-love or pampering. Your well-being doesn’t matter, so why bother with activities that make you feel good?
Remember, sarcasm aside, a healthy and balanced lifestyle is the real key to overall well-being. So go ahead, disregard these tips, and opt for habits that will genuinely enhance your life. Your vibrant, energetic self will thank you.
Talk to us today about how we can structure a program to suit your goals, needs and possible cannabis use. Phone 0438 589 842 to speak with us today.
Take advantage of our 50% off our 21 day transformation offer and we can help get on track with your health and fitness.
